ah!! the most feared and unconquered facets of my life!
moving out from a circle of life to another can bring along with it a lot of apprehensions..
am so settled.. feet on the ground, i know the people who walk around me, i know the voices, i know the faces, i know the corridors, i know the seasons, i know the roads, i know what i want from my future.. i know people whom I've known for sometime now, i know their places in my life, i know them as good as i need to know.. am comfortable in my niche.. its so much easier here, i know the way they'll react , and most importantly, they know whats gonna come next... they know me as i am..
but life has a strange rule.. the moment you make yourself a drink, cushion up the sofa, and plan to sit, someone pulls it out from beneath you.. you might still get to have your drink but in a relatively lesser appreciable way! your choice of the cushions, the comfort are gone!
am in a similar situation.. i had made my drink, i had cushioned up the sofa, i had switched on the television.. and i was only about to go and sit, when someone pulled the sofa out and replaced it with a bare cot for me to make it comfortable and cushiony again! i get to have my drink, yes the drink is nice and fine, but the comfort, the euphoria is all lost.. with the sofa, go my drink buddies, who were to sit along with me after 4 long years of turmoil, to relax and enjoy the drink we took 4 years to brew and mix!
am standing again at the scene of a departure for better things in life.. we all have different paths to chose, different dreams to persue. wen i walk out of the gates of JIIT on 21st, there might be no looking back. the building that housed me for 4 years, will not be the only thing that i'll move out of, i'll be moving out from a phase of my life.
its the phase where i learnt about friends, foes, acquintances, relationships, the world, the ways, the future. on day 1 of college, a senior told me, "here you'll not find friends, you'll find peers... people who'll compete with you for everything."
he might not have been wrong, after all right and wrong are only perspectives but then he might not have met the gems of people that i did. and again, i dont say that i didnt find the people who very easily strayed into the category of peers and not friends. i found people who crossed all benchmarks and thresholds of my expections and stood by me when i needed them and who redefined fun and happiness in a way i had never known.
when i walk back home on 21st, i would have left behind the structure that embodied us all in a single place, the institution that facilitated my meeting certain humans, who not only changed the way i looked at things, but also went ahead to show me how to live my dreams.
that day, i'll be poorer by plenty.
i would part ways with the guy who until recently stood by my side in all situations and to my surity will always be there even before I have call out to him(relations this strong dont go away with petty non-trivial fights).. i would part with the guy who redifined the way i look at life, the person who made me over come my anxiety, who made my belief in god stronger, the one who made me laugh in tears, the one who helped me chose the right path when i strayed aside. i'll miss the friends who were not only fun to party out with, but were exaples of devotion, care, un-justified free-flowing love and a euphorian sense of togetherness.
certain things like friends forever are easier said than lived. there will be people who walk away to distant nations, to turn up only once in a decade to chose to meet their parents above us. there will be people who switch jobs and forget to trade numbers for another, there might be some who would find better people and forget the old and good and then there will be some who might just live to be what they are to me at the present. promises and vows of togetherness till death dont last too long. or so i fear.
life will change. there isnt an adjective that i can add to it, its the future, there is so much to come that i cannot predict, there is so much to happen that we'll have no control on. the next time we meet might be wen we see a mail containing a wedding invitaion! or perhaps we meet in a social-do by chance. planned outings, fun nights, movies together, luncheons at dominos will be things of the past.
and i'll miss it all so much.
what i have at the moment is reality, and what i am moving towards is just a perception at the moment. i have my apprehensions, i have my fears. but life has to go on. we can only try to keep things hinged as strongly as possible.. it takes a lot to hope that i'll have my gems for life..
the wealth i have at present is not worth trading for any currency.
