Numbed..

It feels like I've gone back in time.. I clearly distinctly remember the message that gunjan sent to me.. She was going to moscow for 6 long years to study medicine.. I had tried every possible way of convincing her to stay back.. She did go.. I was rendered hollow, completely empty from inside, I took a hatred for emotions.. I put on a face that said, stay away, i dont care.. I was weary of making friends,i was hell scared of hurting myself again.. Then why did you come into my life.. I was doing fine without you.. I was okay with gunjan being away. She at least comes back once an year.. And she'll stay here after her course gets completed.. You put me back where I never wanted to go.. I hate being lonely.. I hate being weak.. I hate giving up on people I love.. Just like with gunjan I can't ask you not to go.. Its for the good and am not a fool to stop you.. I know you'll never come back and that is what scares me..

The first time it happened it wasn't this tough.. But this time I don't have the strength.. I pledge,i'll never make a friend again.. If its this painful every time, I don't want to take the risk..

I wish,against the better of my judgement, that we keep meeting in life.. I wish that this is not the end..

I wish for strength..

There is another strange thought in my mind, its a strange co-incidence.. Is it all linked with his going away.. 3 years back, he left and gunjan moved away within days.. He left sometime back.. And now you are leaving?

Life is never going to be the same again.. A message at 11.40 yesterday night, changed my life FOREVER..

Is it really happening?

Wake me up.. This is not my idea of a good dream..

Toughest lesson of my life....

me: everybody leaves me and goes away, like you...
Gunjan: kya hua
me: angad and another of my very good friend aditya are going to florida :(
they will do their final semester there..
my college is going to get over.. sab chale jayenge
mayank kal London ja rah ahi
masters karne :(
Gunjan: to ab
me: am sad :(
am crying :'(
Gunjan: aisa to nahi hai ki sab waapis nahi aayenge
kya karna kya hai tune in sab ka
me: koi nahi aayega wapis.. in sab ko wahin basna hai :(
they are my friends :|
Gunjan: mujhe badhi behan manke ek baat samajh
kisi ki life main zaroorat nahi hoti
ek dost jata hai
itna eperience deke jata hai ki uske jaise baad main 4 aur bana sakte ho
me: gunjan aisa nahi hota.. some people become more than friends.. they become like an extended family
Gunjan: nobody cn b as close as the family
me: it hurts to part with them
Gunjan: ye tera weham hai
me: thats why i say extended famiily
Gunjan: i understand it hurts
but trust me not long
me: i hope so
Gunjan: abhi aisa isliye lag raha hai bcoz they r near
din raat u spend with them
me: hmm
Gunjan: jab door chale jayenge to bhool bhi jayenge
me: i doubt
Gunjan: tab lagega ki tu pagal thi jo aisa soch rahi thi
me: gunjan tujhe gaye hue 4 saal ho gaye
Gunjan: yaad nahi bhi ayenge to tu zabardasti yad karne ki koshish karegi
just 4 the guilt tht u 4got them
life is too busy to think abt any1
me: i wish it was this way
Gunjan: whn u hv ur family near to kisi aur ki zaroorat hi kya
make new frnds
but tht too just time pas ke liye honge
it is exactly this way
ponder over
koi yaad nahi ataa hum zabardasti welle hokar yad karne ki koshish karte hain
uske liye hum present frnds ko hata kar time nikalte hain
just jo aspas hai uske saath masti karo
Gunjan: abey maine ponder karne ko kya keh diya tu to sach main soch main padh gayi'
me: yaar shayad abhi mujse socha bhi nahi ja raha...
Gunjan: ok mat soch
just trust me
ultimately kuchh bhi nahi hona
me: do u think of me this way?
Gunjan: naye frnds n masti bas
thts life
wht i think of u
me: do u think of me this way?
Gunjan: i knw tht i hv a frnd who will always b there for me
aur kyun na ho
im always there for her too
me: :)
Gunjan: but tht doesnt mean tht all the time i hv to sit n think ki kaash vo yahan saath main hoti
theek hai jahan hai vo masti main hai
main masti kar rahi hoon
jab velle honge to usse milne main kabhi bhi ajeeb sa nahi lagega
even if she doesnt knw wht im n upto these days
me: wen i dont know wat u have been doing.. it leaves us with more to talk wen we meet
Gunjan: whnever v meet it wont take more tht 10 minutes to update her abt my life
n then talk endlessly
me: hmm
Gunjan: tujhe koi aur kam dham nahi hai kya
me: hehe
ja rahi hoon.. kaamkarne
Gunjan: get buzy with ur life
me: maan nahi lag raha tha kaam karne ka
Gunjan: make new frndssirf mazey ke liye
me: ok
Gunjan: actualy u dont need any specific person
me: hmm
Gunjan: u just need a frnd
always
n trust me frnds banana asaan hai
me: hmmm
Gunjan: keep urselves buzy
me: ok
Gunjan: frnds bcom contacts
keep in touch
pata nahi kab kaun kam aajaye
me: hmm
Gunjan: isse zyada kuchh nahi
ab tu bhi to abhi mere kaam hi aa rahi hai na
mere pas koi kam nahi hai aur
main tujhe paka rahi hoon
n 1 thing
school frnds r always better
kyunki vo us zamane main bane hain jab sence of competetion thoda kam tha
isliye unko bhoolne ki zaroorat nahi hai
abey ye kya kiya
me: hehe
me: chal me going kaam karne
Gunjan: tu computer pe koi kaam kar rahi hai kya
good
me: haan
Gunjan: main bhi bye bolne ke liye hi discussion shuru kar rahi thi
me: hehe
Gunjan: im goin to sleep nw
i luv talkin to u
atleast aisa lagta hai ki usse baat ker rahi hoon who knws me
me: me too :)
sleep tight
Gunjan: chal cya
i dont miss ya
me: i know
Gunjan: but always i want to c u
me: :P
ja ab senti mat kar
Gunjan: cya
me: take care
Gunjan: ok

IF.....

Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!