I think I Love you....

“A sad thing in life is that sometimes you meet someone who means a lot to you only to find out in the end that it was never bound to be and you just have to let go.”
-- anonymous

why is life so strange! why do I like the cutest of birds, who fly with the highest of flocks.. why do I dream of flowers which are only drawn on paper.. why do I want to swing, only when a bully wants to too.. why do I want to reach the stars.. why do I want a piece of the moon.. why do I desire a color that cant be mixed.. why do I wish to draw the perfect circles, why does a line have to be straight.. why do i dream the same dream every day?

why cant i choose to do the simpler things! why cant i make an easier choice! why cant i just think of do-able things?

I started out to copy my random writings from my class-note-book onto the blog.. and when i re-read there were things i had not really thought of when i was writing.. there were things that i just could not put here.. there were things i could not leave in that place.. not that anyone who reads them will ever understand.. but its a pain that, i am so sure now, will never go away..

am baffled, there was so much going on in my mind.. my hand co-ordinated with my heart to pour it out on my paper.. but when did my mind go so blank to not figure it out.. i knew i was writing.. i knew the theme was my life.. but i never sensed that pain.. maybe i had it all till now.. maybe i still have it.. maybe i wouldnt have ever realised till 'it' went away..

or maybe.. its only the absence that would have made me realise.. it never happened.. it will not in some more time to come.. i had taken it for granted maybe.. maybe it was a grave mistake.. but it is not something i planned to do.. not something i really saw coming.. not something i had even in my dreams anticipated..

Life is not such.. life has to have a rule.. life cant just impose everything it needs to say.. but am completely broken... completely out of my wits to realize if things are what they should have been.. am not sure if its the right cord i have hit.. it seems so, but the loss is irreparable..

i cant speak.. i cant act.. but i cant let it go away.. its not a choice i want to make.. never.. its not a dream to which i want to wake.. its the truth of my life, however harsh, however unthinkable, its now a fact of my life.. and there is just no running away..

there is a song, whose lyrics i can think of.. may not be completely apt here, but yes they kind of say what my heart wants to leap out and say..

here it is with due credit to David Cassidy

I'm sleeping
And right in the middle of a good dream
When all at once I wake up
From something that keeps knockin' at my brain.
Before I go insane
I hold my pillow to my head
And spring up in my bed
Screaming out the words I dread:
"I think I love you!"

This morning
I woke up with this feeling
I didn't know how to deal with
And so I just decided to myself
I'd hide it to myself and never talk about it
And didn't I go and shout it
When you walked into the room.
"I think I love you!"

I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
That I've never felt this way.

wwwwhhhh

I don't know what I'm up against.
I don't know what it's all about.
I got so much to think about.

Hey, I think I love you.
So what am I so afraid of?
I'm afraid that I'm not sure of
A love there is no cure for.

I think I love you.
Isn't that what life is made of?
Though it worries me to say
That I've never felt this way.

Believe me,
You really don't have to worry.
I only want to make you happy
And if you say,
"Hey, go away," I will
But I think better still,
I'd better stay around and love you.
Do you think I have a case?
Let me ask you to your face:
Do you think you love me?


It feels strange to put this up here.. there maybe a lot of interpretations.. but its the most bizzare you could come up with.. maybe to let the world know will ease my pain.. maybe there will no viewers to this piece.. maybe..