November 3, 2008

Today i need not think about the adjective for my day at all.. it is as simple.. "It was the best-lecture-day of my life".. for the first time in my life as an engineering student i thoroughly enjoyed a lecture, learnt from it and could relate to the nuances of life and general human thinking... How i wish you had attended the lecture today...

Am a better person today.. better in the comparative notion.. not that i was good and am superlative now... i am just better than yesterday... a little less bad would be more appropriate..

what i learnt today is a reflection of what i would have always desired to learn... i perceived that my intelligence is legislative in function, oligarchic in form, local in its level, internal in its scope and leaned to a liberal role...

i am no more sad that am not intelligent.. (not that i was sad ever....) i never wished to be intelligent but i want people to realize that there exist 2 types of IQed people heirarchically stronger than intelligent people... they are the creatives and the wise... i might not be wise but am satisfied being the creative... its been a passion all my life, and the motivation to be creative is the creation itself... no external stimuli has triggered nor will trigger my thoughts, my will, my thinking, my knowledge, my meta-cognition... i was always a meaning-directed learner/performer... i came to this world of receptives, discoverers and rotes... i would have been lost but i managed to sail through...

i know am being too self-praisy today but its the mood i guess.. am just too perplexed.. am over-whelmed by the info i have gained today.. am possibly a complete new me...

today i know i was not successful all this while because i was...
a)an Unrealistic optimist who completely believed that i was a perfectionist and anything and everything that would be done by me would meet a successful end
b)an Egocentric who had started to believe that i was the ruler of the world and no one would survive if i was to go away. i lived to fulfill the perceptions of those who made me feel like the queen.. (they were not wrong.. i was the one expecting too much..)
c)Omnipotent...I always wanted to do more than what my physical, mental, psychological strength permitted. i had lost the sight that my power is not how much i stretch it.. i was stretching too thick in a passage so thin..
d)Invulnerable...

am more human today.. and as my prof says... "beware of the high IQed who believe that the fallacies don't exist!"

and now the reply to the counter thought on yesterday's post:
dear, my fight was never with you, was never against you.. i have nothing against you and am still one of the biggest well-wishers you ever have.. when life pushes a bird to be a fish's best mate, they will do fine till the time the bird sits on a tree and talks to the fish whilst the latter enjoys its swim... but the moment the bird or the fish would try to either themselves adapt to their friend's world, or force its dear friend to come to its world, one of them would die...

i don't know about you, but i had been holding my breath for a while now.. i had been trying to fit into your world, to do things the way you would have wanted me to do.. even if both of us try to close our eyes to the truth and become completely insane, we will never be able to deny the fact that we are two humans who are completely incompatible.. its not worth the pain of fighting everyday wen the fish can find fishes and bird the other birds... the fish will do better if it stays among the fish and the bird will soar high wen it leaves the fish's company, the comfort of the tree and take flight again...

too hurt you is to hurt me.. but then they say that no pain gives no gain.. i can assure you that being apart would do us a lot of good that we had shut our eyes to...

and i'll always be there deep inside my comfort zone of the pleasing waters to see you flying high in the sky above me.. i'll be there.. always...

sayonara!!